Top Ten Roughest Interview Questions…made fun of

Why Should I Hire You?

I will tell you why you should hire me.  First have you ever had a day where you have felt awesome?  I am like that every day.  You won’t need to know when I will be there because I will always be there when told.  It is my dream to live every day.  There is not a day that I won’t want to be there.  Why should you hire me?  Why should I hire you to employ me?

Why is there a gap in your work history?

What gap?  I was out there pounding the pavement.  It was an everyday situation where I would do almost anything to try to keep my family on their feet.   I didn’t know where my next dime was coming from.  I applied for jobs but most of all I was getting my business going so I didn’t have to work for you.  This is hell of a lot harder any job could have offered to teach me lessons of life.  There is a time when you stand up and shout, “I will do this!”

Tell me one thing that you would have changed about your last job?

My last job?  You are correct it was my last job.  I am tired of people judging me and mine.  We know where hearts lie.  In fact you are lying to yourself if you say you are happy behind that desk having to follow people’s orders all day.  Screw that.  Run your own show.  You are intelligent enough to talk to people all day about a job that repeats the same task over and over again.  Guess what that is how you get to success in any part of life.  Find something that works and work it like you have never worked anything in your life.  It will take a lot less time.

Tell me about yourself?

I am a strong individual who grew up in a great family.  Each family member has their strengths.  I learned how to feel people out.  Figuring out the way they act is how I can tell you about myself.  Take an angry ass customer I can stand there and figure out why they are mad.  After the rant speak calmly because it isn’t personal and yet oh so personal.  About me you ask?  I am an honorable man, a great father, a wonderful husband who loves his wife oh so much.  That is about all you need to hear about me what about you?

Explain a complex data base to your eight year old?

Do you remember how Barney used to remember all of those years in his past?  His head remembered that.  Computers do the same thing.  They remember all kinds of information like the past.  How old are you?  You say you are 8?  That is great.  The computer would remember that you are 8.  It also remembers more than that.

What would the person who likes you least in the world say about you?

Most likely that I am an Ass.  Why would I say that in a job interview?  It is because it is the truth.  Hell, if the person who likes me least doesn’t come up and punch me or worse then I will count myself lucky.  This world is out of control sometimes.  It is up to us to control the moments that we can.  If you can tell me that the person that likes you least in the world wouldn’t say similar I think I will not want to work for a liar.

Tell me about a time old solutions didn’t work?

You’re right sometimes scotch tape just doesn’t work.  Time to take out the Duct Tape.

What’s the biggest risk you have ever taken?

Well this is a loaded question.  I would say that my history has some dark moments.  These moments were cause because I was choosing not to get my head straight.  I flew on my emotions.  To be honest I am lucky to be not in the ground or in jail.  We all had different ways of dealing with what we thought was such a hard part of life.  There is nothing that was more risky than those times.  I love my family.  I feel very fortunate to be exactly who I am.

Have you ever had a supervisor challenge a decision?

Constantly, I always have ideas and put myself out there.  I am not afraid to keep my mouth shut which is a problem as a normal employee.  I find it ridiculous that we have grown such a stigma about etiquette.  If people would just be straight with one another there would be half the problems in the world solved.  Deception sucks and I am not afraid to say it.

Explain a time when your team didn’t agree?

People will agree and disagree.  The reason we have disagreements is because we have different perceptions.  Each perception is grasped by our minds memory and history.  It will react differently for each individual.  It is amazing that we can even come along to connect with one another.  There is always a connection whether positive or negative.  Sometimes a person just has to say, “Look, you and I will never be friends, we will never like each other.  Let us come together for this one project and the future will take place.  Take it a moment at a time.  Then from here if we disagree we will talk about the disagreement like adults.  Then if there are 3 or more people in the group take a vote.  Whichever of us loses it is fine, just get the project done.

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